When Our Sisters Are Hurting

She may be your neighbor. Your friend. Your daughter. Your co-worker. Or maybe she’s the woman waiting behind you at the grocery store. Or sitting next to you in church. Maybe she’s you.

She is among the 1 in 3 women, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, who are or have been a victim of domestic violence. The statistics are startling. One in three. Someone you love, someone you care about, someone you know likely fits into those numbers.

As Christians, we can ignore domestic abuse or we can choose to address it. But how? It starts with acknowledging that this type of abuse happens—within our families, among our friends, within our communities and, yes, even within our faith families. National Domestic Violence Awareness Month in October spotlights the issue that we all too often ignore.

Following the example of Christ’s love and compassion, we must reach out to those in abusive relationships. Domestic abuse spans physical, verbal, mental, psychological, emotional, technological, financial, and, yes, even spiritual. We can’t “rescue” those who are being abused. But we can help them by just being there—loving, caring, listening, supporting, praying, believing, and connecting them to professionals better equipped to help.

At their core, domestic abuse and violence are rooted in power, manipulation and control, making it especially difficult for many women to leave their abusers. Fear factors in also, as do finances and often children. Guilt, self-blame, and shame add to the emotional challenges. But that shouldn’t stop us as Christians from addressing this difficult and complicated issue to help our hurting sisters. They need us. They need to see that they are worthy of living lives free of abuse, that God loves them, and that others care about their well-being.

Several years ago, a pastor-friend from a nearby community organized an event at a city park to raise awareness about domestic abuse and violence. He brought in the police chief, a women’s advocate and a strong visual, The Clothesline Project. That project of the Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women features t-shirts honoring individuals killed by acts of domestic violence in my state. It’s a powerful tool which makes an impact via art, photos and words, including names of victims. Names familiar to me—like Barb, Margie, Olivia, Kay, and more. This pastor showed in a strong, public way that he cared about his hurting sisters.

Abuse happens everywhere. Even among church-goers. People of faith, like all sinners, are not immune from abusing or being abused. As Christians, we cannot excuse abuse or hold the expectation that anyone should remain in an abusive relationship. We cannot make the mistake of twisting scripture to counsel or guilt a woman into staying with an abusive partner. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25, NIV). What a powerful example of selfless love that honors women.

Through God’s Word, prayer, outreach, education, professional counseling, love, understanding, support, and more, we can offer hope to victims and survivors of domestic abuse and violence. There is hope, always hope. In my Minnesota community, HOPE Center supports victims of domestic abuse and violence and those who care about them. The HOPE acronym stands for healing, outreach, prevention and education. In the Bible, we read example after example of Jesus healing, reaching out, teaching. Giving hope.

Hope. How comforting and powerful that reassuring word: For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV). Consider that from the perspective of a survivor—living a life free of harm with hope for the future.

Audrey Kletscher Helbling occasionally writes about domestic abuse and violence on her personal blog, https://mnprairieroots.com. She recognizes that men, too, can be victims but writes from the perspective of women since they are most often victimized. She encourages you to seek immediate help if you are in an abusive relationship and to call 911 if you are in immediate danger.