Learning to Listen

Listening seems to be a lost art in a very much me-centered society. I doubt many would argue that point. We’re all guilty of not listening like we should.

The next time you’re engaged in conversation, pause and consider how you interact. Are you listening to the other person? Really listening? Or are you already formulating your response, pulling a personal story from your memory that will trump whatever the other person is telling you?

I suggest we all shift our thoughts away from ourselves, from our stories, from our challenges, and concentrate on genuine listening.

Throughout scripture, God reminds us that He listens, that He hears our prayers. That’s such a comfort, to realize that our heavenly Father hears our voice from the first thing in the morning (Psalm 5:3) to the setting of the sun (Psalm 55:17). We should strive to follow His model of care and compassion.

In James 1:19, we read that Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (NIV®). If we listen to this advice penned by James, we would improve our relationships with one another.

Too often, I’ve been parts of conversations that begin with the simple question, “How are you?” Sometimes I answer honestly. Other times I respond with “I’m fine,” even if I’m not fine. Why do I share sometimes? Why do I hold back other times? It’s because I recognize almost immediately whether the question is simply a polite formality or whether it is sincere.

Now let’s say I choose to answer truthfully, to reveal that my day isn’t going all that great, that I’m stressed or worried, and I could use encouragement and prayers. I am hopeful the individual listening to me will provide just that. Sometimes I receive the blessings of support. But not always. Sometimes all I hear are the other person’s stories about a similar struggle. Suddenly the conversation has shifted and I stand there wishing I had never opened up.

We have the power within us to make sure such conversations remain focused on the individual who is in the midst of a difficulty and needs a listening ear, followed by words of love, support, encouragement and prayer, again focusing not on us, but the other person.

My friend Steve is a prime example of someone who is incredibly selfless and an excellent listener and encourager. When I struggled to deal with some really difficult family situations this past year, Steve reminded me of God’s presence with this Bible verse: Be still, and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10, NIV®). Suddenly, that scripture began popping up everywhere—in a hymn, in a notecard sent by another friend, on a print in a public restroom at my mom’s care center, printed on angels crafted by women in my church. Coincidence? I think not. God used Steve to imprint those words upon my heart. Be still reminded me to listen to God’s voice, God’s will, God’s direction, not mine.

We can choose to be still in those moments when others share their worries, struggles, concerns, even joys, with us. We can choose to keep the focus on them. We can choose to listen.