Beyond Thoughts and Prayers

I’m thinking of you and praying for you.

How often have you written or spoken those words to someone grieving, battling an illness, or struggling with a challenge? If you’re like I am, we have spoken them many times—and sincerely meant them. You thought of your friend or family member. You prayed for them. Both are important. Necessary. Helpful. Prayer proves powerful and effective, and telling others you are thinking of them brings comfort.

But what can we do beyond thoughts and prayers to show our love, care and support for others? I asked the Warner Press marketing and writing team for input and also tapped into my experiences. The results provide useful, practical insights that follow Christ’s command to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2), to love and serve one another (I Peter 4: 8-11), to care for those in need (James 2:16).

Topping the list of ways to help is the simple act of listening. Just be there with your loved one. Allow the person to talk, to vent, to cry, to share his/her emotions and challenges without interjecting your problems or advice into the conversation. Repeatedly, I’ve experienced and observed the focus shift from the individual needing help and support to the person supposedly supporting and helping. We all need to consciously avoid sharing our stories, comparing our experiences, and offering our solutions. None of this is about us, and rarely is it helpful. Sit. Be quiet. Just listen. Really listen.

“Through the loss of my daughter many years ago, listening was the key need I had at the time,” says a Warner Press team member. God models listening for us, reminding us repeatedly in scripture that He hears and answers our prayers (I John 5:14, Psalm 34:17, Mark 11:24).

Long after the crisis begins, continue offering support. I can’t stress that enough. I’ve found from my experiences that people rally initially. But as the weeks, months and, yes, even years, pass, interest dwindles. It’s important to commit long-term to being there for others. Ask how they are doing. Remember anniversary dates. Remember that, even though your life goes on as normal, life often remains difficult and fluid for someone grieving, dealing with a long-term illness, or caring for a loved one.

Perhaps you can advocate for the individual(with permission) or work side-by-side with your friend or family member. Provide useful resources as specific as names, telephone numbers, websites. If you’re skilled in finances and legal issues, for example, and that expertise is needed, offer your services at no charge. If you enjoy cooking, prepare homemade meals to deliver or serve in your home. If not, gift cards to grocery stores and restaurants are concrete ways to assist. Ditto for gas cards welcomed by those traveling to multiple medical appointments. Often individuals or families in crisis are strained financially from lost work and added expenses. Cash gifts and even a fundraiser can ease financial burdens. Recently, a family member generously gifted my family with enough money to cover a medical bill. The bill and the check arrived in the mail on the same day in an obvious God moment.

Christ directs us to put our faith into action. Rides to medical appointments, the grocery store, church, and more and offers to provide respite care, clean, pick up groceries and more all help. When my family was in the thick of our health crisis, our friends rallied with encouraging greeting cards and notes tucked into a gift bag along with cash and gifts cards. One friend even stopped by with potted geraniums after I mentioned I had no time to plant flowers this spring. Those vivid red blossoms, now a bright spot on my patio, remind me of her thoughtfulness and love.

For one member of our Warner Press writing team, the recognition by friends that she didn’t want to go out and do things after losing two loved ones was especially appreciated. She suggests dropping by with a favorite book or something personal that encourages. “Those moments are the ones that really minister to me,” she says.

I understand. During our family’s crisis, I’ve received fresh flowers, greeting cards with handwritten notes, a child’s hand-drawn smiley face (now posted on my fridge), and a plaque reminding me that a friend is always here for me. All uplifted me during some truly difficult days. Another friend and I chatted at a local eatery when I was able to get away for an hour. But when I couldn’t leave my loved one, other friends stopped by for, as I term them, driveway talks—pulling into my driveway to talk for 10 minutes. One brought a plate of freshly-baked rhubarb bars, another shared muffins, and still another provided gooey brownies still warm from the oven. What a treat when I barely had time to pull a meal together, let alone bake. Another prepared a homemade casserole, or “hotdish” as we call the cheesy hamburger pasta combo here in Minnesota.

The ways in which we minister to others require that we place others first. Reach out rather than avoid and say nothing. Listen with compassion and care. Then, do as Jesus did, following his examples of serving others well beyond thoughts and prayers.

We’d love to hear how you minister to those in need. Please be specific. We can all learn from one another. Share your ideas in the comments section below.

Audrey Kletscher Helbling writes from southern Minnesota, where she earned a degree in journalism decades ago, worked as a newspaper reporter and freelance writer, and learned the value of strong listening skills. Listening, she believes, is important in any relationship and is invaluable in ministering to others.